So, as a Blog should be a home on the internet to host a diary of my personal thoughts and feelings, I guess its truth time… I’m well aware of the phenomenon that is social media vs reality, and despite slight #fomo or jealousy from time to time can generally see through what’s real and what’s fake online. But looking back through my posts over the last few weeks I can also see that I’ve been presenting an image of someone on top of their workouts and diet, preaching self love and confidence. And yet I’ve spent the past few weeks struggling with terrible body image. Rightly or wrongly I feel huge and ashamed of my body right now – and rather than post another perfect photoshoot picture from 4 months ago when I felt better about the way I looked, I thought I’d share my own open, honest feelings and insecurities and let you know that even someone supposedly “in control” can have days, weeks or even months when they just don’t feel like they cut it. This photo was taken two weeks ago, and despite feeling horribly self conscious on the night I looked back at this picture today and thought “actually I do look slim here”…. Even though I felt anything but at the time. I wanted to share this ridiculousness with you – I’ve honestly felt embarrassed the past couple of weeks standing in front of my clients and classes and thinking they must be wondering why they’ve employed a hippopotamus to give them health and fitness advice. Yet I can look at this picture and clearly see I’m not overweight…. But there is a disconnect between my eyes and my brain somewhere, and I know a lot of women out there feel the same way. I’ve spent the past few days telling a very close friend of mine to stop being silly and saying she’s big and bloated when she looks so fantastic and ignoring that advice myself.
Body dysmorphia is a real and crippling condition, and for me personally a throwback to my past eating disorder, and I just, for what it’s worth, wanted to share my own very real feelings on the subject.